Torchwood Facebook
by Gwen Harkness
Summary: The Torchwood Team's status updates, comments etc. through the episodes. Full summary in A/N. All pairings but mainly Janto and Gwhys with a bit of Gwack, Towen and Gwen/Owen mixed in because I am using the actual show's plots. Please R
1. Series 1 Profiles

_A/N: Okay so this is more of an experiment than a proper story. I just wanted to see how it would work. I think I will do the first chapter as their profile pages at the time the first episode starts and then I will do each chapter after that as an episode. It includes all the pairings but mainly Janto and Gwhys with a bit of Gwack, Towen and Gwen/Owen. _

_Thank you BBC for making Torchwood, it doesn't belong to me. Also thank you to my friend Clare for helping me with this._

_It's just an idea but if you like it and want me to continue please review. _

_Enjoy._

**Captain Jack Harkness**

Gender: Male (?)

Birthday: The 51st Century

Family: ...

Relationship Status: It's complicated

Interested in: Men, Women and None Human Life Forms

Looking For: Friendship, Dating and a Relationship

Hometown: Boeshane Peninsula

Current Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Past Employers: The Time Agency

Current Employers: The Torchwood Institute, Torchwood Three

Groups: Torchwood, Shagging, Weevil Hunting, The Man Who Can't Die, Cricket, Face of Boe, Something in the Darkness, The Right Kind of Doctor, Boeshane Peninsula Survivors Club, Captain Cheesecake and The Time Agency

Email: CaptainJackHarkness Torchwood .net

Address: The Hub, Roald Dahl Plass, Cardiff Bay, Cardiff CF10 5AL

**Gwen Cooper**

Gender: Female

Birthday: 16th of August 1978

Family: _Geraint Cooper _and _Mary Cooper_

Relationship Status: In a Relationship with _Rhys Williams_

Interested in: Men

Looking For: Friendship

Hometown: Cardiff, Wales

Current Location: Cardiff, Wales

Current Employers: South Wales Police

Groups: Shopping, I Love My Boyfriend, Seeing the Best in People, Welsh and Proud, South Wales Police, Join if you were Born in 1978, Rhysing Around and Don't You Hate it when a Man Calls You Sweetheart, I Never Leave the House Without Straightening My Hair, You Can't Live in Cardiff and Have Never Seen a Live Rugby Match

Email: GwenCooper SouthWalesPolice .net

**Doctor Owen Harper**

Gender: Male

Birthday: 14th of February 1980

Relationship Status: In an Open Relationship with _Suzie Costello_

Interested in: Women

Looking For: Friendship, Dating and a Relationship

Hometown: London

Current Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

Current Employers: The Torchwood Institute, Torchwood Three

Groups: Torchwood, Eating, Sleeping, Shagging, Meat Feast and Pepperoni Pizza, So Many Women to Please So Little Time, Let's All Have Sex, I am God's Gift to Women, I Thought of Perfection and Saw Myself and If the World was to End I Would Have Sex

Email: DoctorOwenHarper Torchwood .net

**Toshiko Sato (Tosh)**

Gender: Female

Birthday: 19th of September 1981

Relationship Status: Single

Interested in: Men

Looking For: Friendship and a Relationship

Hometown: Osaka, Japan

Current Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

Current Employers: The Torchwood Institute, Torchwood Three

Groups: Torchwood, Science, Maths and Computers, Doing Good, E Equals MC Squared, Protecting People, Space Pig, I'm a Genius, When the Person You Love Doesn't Notice and The Data Scanning Device

Email: ToshikoSato Torchwood .net

**Ianto Jones (Tea Boy)**

Gender: Male

Birthday: 19th of August 1983

Family: _Rhiannon Davis, Johnny Davies, David Davies_ and _Mica Davies_

Relationship Status: Single

Interested in: Women

Looking For: Friendship and a Relationship

Hometown: Cardiff, Wales, UK

Current Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

Past Employers: The Torchwood Institute, Torchwood One

Current Employers: The Torchwood Institute, Torchwood Three

Groups: Torchwood, The Coffee King, Welsh and Proud, Cybermen Ruined My Life, Battle of Canary Warf Survivors, Doing Things the Old Fashioned Way, Splott Pronounced Sploe, Looking Good in a Suit and I Love Tintin

Email: IantoJones Torchwood .net

**Suzie Costello**

Gender: Female

Relationship Status: In an Open Relationship with _Doctor Owen Harper_

Interested in: Men

Looking For: A Relationship

Current Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

Current Employers: The Torchwood Institute, Torchwood Three

Groups: Torchwood, The Glove and Join if You are a Workaholic

Email: SuzieCostello Torchwood .net

**Rhys Williams**

Gender: Male

Family: _Barry Williams_ and _Brenda Williams_

Relationship Status: In a Relationship with _Gwen Cooper_

Interested in: Women

Looking For: Friendship

Hometown: Cardiff, Wales, UK

Current Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK

Current Employers: Harwood's Haulage

Groups: Rhysing Around, I Love My Girlfriend, They are Poisoning our Water Supply with Psychotropic Drugs, Harwood's Haulage and Making Stupid Jokes

Email: RhysWilliams Harwoods Haulage .net

_A/N: I know this one wasn't very good because I guess this is just the introduction but I promise the next one will be better. Next Time: Everything Changes._


	2. Everything Changes

_A/N: So here it is, the first proper chapter of Torchwood Facebook. I really hope you all like it._

_Also, a massive massive thank you to Clare for staying up until quarter past two this morning to help me with this._

_Thank you BBC for making Torchwood, it doesn't belong to me, I am just playing with their brilliant idea._

_Enjoy._

**Rhys Williams **- **Gwen Cooper**

What time are you going to be home tonight?

**Banana Boat **_likes this._

_Comments_

**Gwen Cooper **I'm not sure, sorry. Why?

**Rhys Williams **I was going to get Chinese in I was. Guess I'll just put it in the fridge for you.

**Banana Boat **Well if she's not going to be in then I'll drop round.

**Rhys Williams **I'll get some beer in.

**Banana Boat **Sorry mate but I'm sticking to tea from now on, I was reading about diabetes and it said something about tea being good for you.

**Rhys Williams **Tea it is then.

**Gwen Cooper **Have a nice time then boys, see you tonight Rhys. I love you.

**Rhys Williams **Love you too. By the way, there's something on the news, a murder in Sangavalith Lane. You know anything about it?

**Gwen Cooper **No I've not heard anything. Anyway I'm really busy so I'll see you tonight. Bye X

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**Captain Jack Harkness **is wondering where the hell **Doctor Owen Harper **is. I told you all, SUV in five minutes so where are you?

_Comments_

**Suzie Costello **I've got the glove, been doing some work on it.

**Doctor Owen Harper **Needed the loo. Who is it this time?

**Toshiko Sato **His name's John Tucker. He's nineteen, Caucasian, murdered in Sangavalith Lane.

**Doctor Owen Harper **Poor sod.

**Toshiko Sato **Owen!

**Doctor Owen Harper **What?

**Toshiko Sato **Could you at least try and be more sympathetic!

**Doctor Owen Harper **Sorry Tosh but sympathy's just not my thing. Can we stop for a beer on the way there?

**Captain Jack Harkness **Owen, could I remind you that you're _meant _to be working. I know this might be a strange concept to you but the rest of us do it every day. We're here so you can all get off Facebook on your PDAs and come and do some proper work?

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**Captain Jack Harkness **_joined the groups_ _Contraceptives in the Rain_ and _I Hate Being Pregnant._

**Captain Jack Harkness **_likes this._

_Comments_

**Doctor Owen Harper **I can never tell when he's joking...

**Captain Jack Harkness **Oh I never joke Owen.

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**Suzie Costello **only managed two minutes...again... If I could just focus a bit more...

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**Captain Jack Harkness -** **Toshiko Sato**

Can you please run a check on that woman from the murder? You can use the CCTV footage from the car park. I'm sure she'll be back, she had that look.

**Doctor Owen Harper **_likes this._

_Comments_

**Toshiko Sato **Her name's Gwen Elizabeth Cooper, born sixteenth of August Nineteen Seventy Eight in Cardiff. Her family have lived here since the nineteenth century and her parents are Geraint and Mary Cooper. Works for South Wales Police and has a boyfriend called Rhys Williams.

**Captain Jack Harkness **I don't know what I would do without you.

**Toshiko Sato **Just doing my job.

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**Gwen Cooper **_and_ **Andy Davidson **_joined the group_ _CSI Cardiff._

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**Andy Davidson **- **Gwen Cooper**

How's your head?

_Comments_

**Gwen Cooper **I'm fine. The doctor said mild concussion and a few stitches.

**Andy Davidson **You can claim on that you can. Injury at work that wasn't your fault, I knew a bloke who got a fifty quid off one of those insurance companies for a graze on his knee!

**Rhys Williams **I saw this TV programme once where someone got loads of money, enough to pay off the mortgage! Imagine that Gwen, no more renting. Oh, how are you? I reckon you could get a few days sick leave for that? We could take a holiday, how bout Scotland?

**Andy Davidson **Are you nearly done in that hospital? I'm freezing out here!

**Gwen Cooper **Andy you'll be fine Andy, you're Welsh. Rhys, Scotland? It rains more than Wales! Have your not heard of a beach holiday? Anyway, I'm busy straightening my hair.

**Andy Davidson **In a hospital? Next you'll be telling me you're ironing your knickers!

**Gwen Cooper **Lol, now leave me alone!

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**Captain Jack Harkness -** **Toshiko Sato**

I need you to dispose of a body. He was a hospital porter, had a run in with a Weevil. I need you to ensure he was seen leaving the hospital, alive.

_Comments_

**Doctor Owen Harper** We haven't used the docks in a while...

**Toshiko Sato** Owen, I don't think you have a sympathetic bone in your body! However, that is a good idea...

**Doctor Owen** **Harper** Of course it was a good idea, I suggested it.

**Toshiko Sato** The work rota has been changed, the witnesses are in place to verify his leaving the hospital. No one will be looking for him for at least 48 hours, expect to see his body retrieved from the docks next Tuesday night and he will only have been missing for three days. Not bad work, even if I do say so myself.

**Doctor Owen Harper **Tosh, I think you should stick to being a computer nerd and leave the arrogance to me.

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**Captain Jack Harkness **- **Ianto Jones**

Ianto I need a short term Retcon pill, can you get it for me?

**Captain Jack Harkness **_and _**Ianto Jones **_like this._

_Comments_

**Ianto Jones **On your desk already, Sir.

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**Andy Davidson **Bloody Woman! She's only gone and driven off without me!

_Comments_

**Gwen Cooper **You are always moaning about your weight so why not get some exercise? I suggest you start walking.

**Andy Davidson** But Gwen, I might get blisters! These are brand new shoes!

**Gwen Cooper **You're worse than my mother! You're a man, deal with it.

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**PC Yvonne -** **Gwen Cooper**

Not looking good for your Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen.

_Comments_

**Gwen Cooper **Why not?

**PC Yvonne **Well it's difficult to find a dead man, especially one who died in 1941.

**Gwen Cooper **Oh.

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**Doctor Owen Harper **-** Captain Jack Harkness,** **Toshiko Sato **_and_** Suzie Costello**

Sex on Legs wandering around up top. She has that puzzled look on her face, maybe I should go and take her mind off it...

**Doctor Owen Harper **_likes this._

_Comments_

**Suzie Costello **Don't even think about it, Owen.

**Doctor Owen Harper **What? I was going to take one for the team!

**Captain Jack Harkness **How exactly would that be helping the team out Owen? Anyway, she will be back soon enough. I have a feeling this one has Love-Jack Syndrome.

**Doctor Owen Harper **You wish Harkness!

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**Ianto Jones** Company arriving, this one's even brought Pizza. Shall I put the kettle on?

_Comments_

**Doctor Owen Harper **I hope she's not a vegetarian, I hate those slimy things they put on top of the fungi pizza.

**Toshiko Sato **Commonly known as a mushroom Owen...

**Doctor Owen Harper **Oh whatever Tosh. Harper scores again!

**Ianto Jones** Actually, I think you may find she specifically requested Jack.

**Captain Jack Harkness **Owen, learn from the master.

**Doctor Owen Harper **She clearly has no taste. Everyone, look busy. She's was wandering round up there for three hours, need to make it worth her while. Right no one fart, that always makes me laugh.

**Toshiko Sato **Owen, we were trying to be serious. Why do you insist on making me laugh!

**Captain Jack Harkness **I had the best punch line, but I guess you'll all have to wait till next time.

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**Doctor Owen Harper **_joined the group Sorry, I'm a Twat._

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**Ianto Jones **_joined the groups I Look Good in a Suit and Harassed By My Boss._

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**Captain Jack Harkness **_joined the group They Never Tire of Following Me._

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**Gwen Cooper **is feeling very Welsh... Oh well, I'm patriot and proud.

**Rhys Williams **_likes this._

_Comments_

**Rhys Williams **Does working so the lads can watch a game constitute being a perfect Welsh woman?

**Gwen Cooper **Don't wait up, I'll be in late. Love you X

**Rhys Williams **I love you too. By the way, we're winning! X

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**Captain Jack Harkness -** **Doctor Owen Harper**

Owen enjoy your hot chocolate, I am taking 'Sex on Legs' for a drink. Don't wait up.

**Captain Jack Harkness **_likes this._

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**Doctor Owen Harper** Ladies, The Sex God is out in town tonight. Form orderly queues, I do have an early start tomorrow so no time wasters please.

**Doctor Owen Harper **_likes this._

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**Toshiko Sato **Tale of two cities and a nice cup of camomile tea...

**Toshiko Sato **_likes this._

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**Suzie Costello **I hate flies...at least it's only got two minutes...

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**Ianto Jones -** **Captain Jack Harkness**

I have managed to intercept Gwen trying to leave a word document on her computer. She won't remember anything in the morning. She has updated her Facebook status but I don't think we have anything to worry about.

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**Gwen Cooper **Rememberrrr...

_Comments_

**Rhys Williams **Yes, remember not to get pissed with a head injury and that you love Rhys Alun Williams more than anything in the world.

**Gwen Cooper **Yeah, that must be it sweetheart...

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**Doctor Owen** **Harper** - **Captain Jack Harkness**

So Sex on Legs liked you so much you had to Retcon her, hey?

_Comments_

**Captain Jack Harkness** Well you know if she remembered I would blow her mind. Anyway, if I had of left it to you she would've ended up in your bed, memory still very much intact.

**Doctor Owen Harper** My bed was busy enough last night, thanks very much.

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**Gwen Cooper **_has uploaded a new photo: The Murder Weapon._

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**Gwen Cooper **has this nagging feeling she's forgotten something...

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**Gwen Cooper** I remember...

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**Suzie Costello **_has __disabled her Facebook._

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**Doctor Owen Harper **_is Single._

**Doctor Owen Harper **_likes this._

_Comments_

**Toshiko Sato **Don't worry Owen, there's someone for everyone out there.

**Doctor Owen Harper **You know what, Tosh? I think I'm okay single for now.

**Toshiko Sato **Oh... Oh, okay...

* * *

**Gwen Cooper **_has changed her Employers to_ _The Torchwood Institute, Torchwood 3._

_Thank you so much to NO-PANTIES, gwencooperandtorchwood4eva, The Whisperer's Song, specialfrancine, Gwento-Addict, JantoGleek and loewchen for reviewing the last chapter. Please keep it up, reviews make me write faster._


	3. Day One

_A/N: Here's Day One in Facebook style. I really hope you're all enjoying it. Big thank you to loewechen, NO-PANTIES, JantoGleek and FoxGlade for your reviews for the last chapter, I love you all so much. The faster you review the faster I'll post, promise. By the way I'm currently in France and I'm getting a friend to post this so I hope you're all very grateful for being able to get this posted. Of course your gratefulness can be shown by reviewing..._

_Torchwood belongs to the BBC, I don't own it, I'm just playing with their brilliant idea._

_Enjoy._

**Gwen Cooper **_has changed her Employers to_ _The Torchwood Institute, Torchwood 3._

**Rhys Williams**_, _**Gwen Cooper **_and _**10 Others **_like this._

_Comments_

**Andy Davidson** You in special ops now then, ay? Perhaps you could put in a good word for me?

**Geraint Cooper** Well done, duckling. Me and y'mam are so proud of you.

**Trina **This calls for a night out on the lash! On second thoughts, still recovering from last night. Don't ask, will fill you in next week. Luv you Hon, congratulations.

**Rhys Williams** Congratulations, gorgeous. Tonight we are having celebratory night out, bowling and pizza on me.

**Gwen Cooper **It's only a paper pushing secondment, everyone calm down. A night out with my man sounds perfect. Trina, I'll call you, give your liver a rest.

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**Gwen Cooper **_is friends with _**Captain Jack Harkness**_, _**Doctor Owen Harper**_, _**Toshiko Sato **_and _**Ianto Jones.**

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**Gwen Cooper **Just gave The Lovely **Rhys Williams** a lesson in bowling. Strike, strike, strike!

**Gwen Cooper **_likes this._

_Comments_

**Rhys Williams** C'mon now, I wasn't that bad! You kept pinching my bum! I think that counts as cheating!

**Gwen Cooper** As if I would ever do such a thing! Rhys Williams, no treats for you tonight.

**Rhys Williams** I take it all back, I must have pinched my own bum. Shall I run the bath for you when we get home?

**Gwen Cooper** I'll scrub your back.

**Andy Davidson** Hello guys, this is a public site! You've put me right off my chicken pie.

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**Captain Jack Harkness** Right, everyone stop whatever you're doing. I want you in the Hub in 5 minutes. Owen, I don't care who your entertaining, don't be late. We've got a meteorite and we've got to get there before the amateurs.

**Rhys** **Williams** - **Gwen Cooper**

You coming home? Your bath's gone cold and all the bubbles have popped, I hope you're getting paid overtime! Thought your first day was supposed to be a doddle?

_Comments_

**Gwen Cooper** I probably won't be home till the wee hours, I promise I will make it up to you. Love you, see you in your dreams X

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**Doctor Owen Harper** _joined the group Don't They Teach You Health and_ _Safety in the Police?_

**Doctor Owen Harper **_likes this._

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**Gwen Cooper** Has officially just committed the biggest first day balls up in history.

**Doctor Owen Harper **_likes this._

_Comments_

**Doctor Owen Harper** Don't worry sweet cheeks, Doctor Harper will find a way to sort it.

**Toshiko Sato** Owen you could not find your way out of a paper bag. I think I'll sort this one out.

**Captain Jack Harkness** Actually, I think you'll find I'll sort it.

**Gwen Cooper** No, I caused it. I'll sort it.

**Ianto Jones **There is no I in team. It might serve you all well to remember that.

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**Captain Jack Harkness** is sick of the word sorry! Why do the Welsh insist on using it so much?

_Comments_

**Doctor Owen Harper** I think you will find that the Welsh can't help but be the centre of any disaster.

**Gwen Cooper** You do realise you're actually_ in_ Wales, Owen? Comments like that could get you in serious trouble.

**Doctor Owen Harper** I'm shaking in my boots! Let me guess, they'll try and introduce me to a sheep.

**Toshiko Sato **I hate to break up your party, but can I remind you we have an alien on the loose?

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**Ianto** **Jones** just had a suspicious nightclub incident come in. I think we may have found our alien...

_Comments_

**Captain Jack Harkness** We've just left the club. There's one deceased, his name was Matt Stevens. We need a body from the morgue, make it to look like suicide. I'm sending you through some CCTV footage from the scene now.

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**Captain Jack Harkness** _has uploaded two videos: Explosive screw and Alien Takes on Host body._

_**Doctor Owen Harper**__ likes this._

___Comments_

**Gwen Cooper** Owen! There's someone dead!

**Doctor Owen Harper** And who's fault is that?

**Toshiko Sato** Leave her, she's already said she's sorry.

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**Captain Jack Harkness** _joined the groups He Came and Went and I Love Techno-babble._

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**Captain Jack Harkness **is using satellite data to determine the inward trajectory of the crash site.

_Comments_

**Doctor Owen Harper **Of course that makes perfect sense...

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**Doctor Owen Harper **_joined the group Torturing People in Happy Relationships._

**Doctor Owen Harper**_ likes this._

_Comments_

**Gwen Cooper **You really need to get out more.

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**Captain Jack Harkness **_uploaded 119 photos: CCTV Facial Recognition Software._

_Comments_

**Ianto Jones **Well I guess I better get started checking these with my eyes.

**Toshiko Sato **And I'll start tracing her journey back using the street cameras.

**Gwen Cooper **And I'll cross reference that with the addresses of the people in these photos.

**Doctor Owen Harper **And I'll do what I usually do, sit about and make sarcastic comments.

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**Gwen Cooper **I've got it! Her name's Carys Fletcher, she's 18 years old.

_Comments_

**Captain Jack Harkness **Well lets go pay Miss Fletcher a visit. Remember Owen, she may be female but you're going to have to restrain yourself and keep your hands off her.

**Doctor Owen Harper **Shut up, Harkness.

* * *

**Captain Jack Harkness -** **Ianto Jones **

We've got her and we're bringing her in. Prepare the cells.

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**Doctor Owen Harper** - **Gwen Cooper**

"I kissed a girl and liked it."

**Doctor Owen Harper **_likes this._

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**Gwen Cooper **_joined the group First Contact With an Alien..._

**Doctor Owen Harper **_likes this._

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**Doctor Owen Harper** _uploaded a video: Gwen playing out my fantasy._

**Doctor Owen Harper **_likes this._

_Comments_

**Gwen Cooper** Drop dead, wanker.

**Doctor Owen Harper **Now now PC Cooper, that kind of language isn't acceptable in the workplace.

**Toshiko Sato** Leave her Owen. Gwen it's not your fault, she is a walking aphrodisiac, you would've never been able to resist her. Can I...um...ask what...it's...like?

**Gwen Cooper** I've had worse. Plus, I could think of worse people to kiss, Owen namely.

**Doctor Owen Harper** Well when you decide want to come back to men you know where to find me.

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**Rhys Williams**_ joined the group Special Op's Widows._

_Comments_

**Gwen Cooper **I'm sorry sweetheart. I promise we will get that bath, I'm just really busy right now. I'll see you soon, I love you X

**Rhys Williams **I love you too X

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**Captain Jack Harkness**_ joined the group Throttling the Staff._

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**Ianto Jones** - **Captain Jack Harkness**_,_ **Gwen Cooper**_,_ **Owen Harper**_,_ **Toshiko Sato**

Chinese is ready, come and get it.

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**Gwen Cooper** - **Doctor Owen Harper**

Still feeling a bit of a cock?

**Captain Jack Harkness**_,_** Gwen Cooper**_, _**Toshiko Sato **_and_** Ianto Jones **_like this._

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**Gwen Cooper** _joined the group WARNING Women Possessed By Gas, Nobbin' Fellas to Death._

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**Doctor Owen Harper** just made rat jam.

_Comments_

**Gwen Cooper** Can I remind you there is a young girl out there who's scared and frightened, and she is not becoming jam, is that clear?

**Captain Jack Harkness** Well if we're going to find her we need to know what her controlling impulse is. Who are we dealing with now, Carys or The Alien?

**Toshiko Sato** Well we know that she is fighting the alien taking full control of her body, we know sex is her driving force, if I was her I would start my way through my past boyfriends.  
Doctor Owen Harper Well we need to move fast before she becomes human jam and our alien finds a new host.

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**Captain Jack Harkness** _joined the group Stop the Entire City of Cardiff Shagging For One Day._

_Comments_

**Doctor Owen Harper ***Dislike*

**Gwen Cooper **Well if you want to shag the alien that kills people I'm sure that can be arranged, Owen.

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**Captain Jack Harkness **- **Ianto Jones**

We arrived at her old boyfriend's house but were too late. She works for Conway fertility clinic and where better to go if she needs Orgasmic Energy? We're heading there now, will keep you posted.

_Comments_

**Ianto Jones** Let me know when you done, I'll pop the kettle on.

**Captain Jack Harkness** The Alien's dead, I need you here now to help Tosh and Owen to get rid of any evidence of alien activity. Tosh will fill you in. Gwen and I are coming back to the hub, I need to debrief.

**Ianto Jones** I'm on my way, Sir.

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**Gwen Cooper** - **Captain Jack Harkness**

Who are you, **Captain Jack Harkness**?

_Comments_

**Captain Jack Harkness** Gwen, you have a life outside of torchwood, go home and enjoy Rhys, don't let this job consume you. Forget us for tonight, that's an order and if you won't do it for yourself, do it for me...

**Gwen Cooper** Fine... But don't think you're escaping this question... I'll see you tomorrow. By the way, I'm sorry.

**Captain Jack Harkness **Stop saying sorry!

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**Rhys Williams** - **Gwen Cooper**

I made Lasagne, and have a nice chilled nice glass of vino ready and waiting for you.

**Gwen Cooper** That sounds perfect, then can you just take me to bed.

**Rhys William** If I weren't so bloody hungry I'd take you now, see you shortly. X

**Gwen Cooper** I should be home in 5 minutes. I love you darling, I'm sure I can make up for yesterday evening tonight. X


	4. Ghost Machine

A/N: Sorry it's been ages, just been kind of busy because school starts on Monday.

_Anyway here's Ghost Machine for you and I hope you all enjoy it. _

_As always massive thank you to gwencooperandtorchwood4eva, loewchen, JantoGleek, SuperCali, specialfrancine and ZeMightyPikachu for reviewing, cookies coming in the post to you I promise._

_Enjoy._

**Toshiko Sato **- **Captain Jack Harkness**

We've got suspicious energy readings, Jack. I think you should take a look.

_Comments_

**Captain Jack Harkness** Do we have a visual Tosh?

**Toshiko Sato **No not yet. I'm still trying to get more information, it's definitely alien activity.

**Captain Jack Harkness **Ok I'll take Owen and Gwen to the area, Tosh you stay here and keep trying to get more information.

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**Captain Jack Harkness **- **Gwen Cooper** and **Doctor Owen Harper**

Right kids, SUV, now. We're heading to Queen Street.

_Comments_

**Ianto Jones **I'm not sure if you are aware but that is Cardiff's main shopping area, I suggest you are prompt in your arrival there before anyone gets hurt.

**Doctor Owen Harper** But I just reached level 79 on Alien's Extermination!

**Captain Jack Harkness** I don't care if your life depends on you finishing that game. I want you, in the SUV!

**Gwen Cooper **But I'm in the bath with Rhys and things were just getting interesting...

**Captain Jack Harkness** I don't want to hear anymore about what people are doing, I just want your arses here, now.

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**Toshiko Sato** _uploaded a video: The Suspect._

_Comments_

**Jack Harkness** Owen and I have lost the target, Gwen has continued pursuit. Keep an eye on her on the CCTV, we don't know what we're up against. I told her no heroics!

**Gwen Cooper** I've lost him...

**Toshiko Sato **Are you sure? My monitors showing you right on top of it, it's almost as if you're holding it...

**Gwen Cooper** No, I'm not holding... Wait...

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**Toshiko Sato** - **Owen Harper** I see you were out run by a girl Owen. Think your loosing it, must be your age ;-) Watch out, your bedroom activity may suffer next...

**Captain Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper, Toshiko Sato **_and _**Ianto Jones **_like this._

_Comments_

**Doctor Owen Harper** And you would know all about that Tosh, seen as the last time your bed saw any action was around about the last Ice Age.

**Gwen Cooper **You know Owen sometimes you can be a right heartless twat!

**Doctor Owen Harper** What? She started it! Typical woman, can give it out but can't take it.

**Ianto Jones** My sister's children are more mature than you. Can I remind you that you are what's commonly known as adults?

**Doctor Owen Harper** Actually Ianto I think your find we have a sense of humour, you should try it sometime? Take that stick out your arse, you may actually start to enjoy life!

**Captain Jack Harkness** Owen, if you don't get back to work I will personally insert a stick up your arse.

**Gwen Cooper** With all this talk of sticks and arses any one would think you were all gay!

**Doctor Owen Harper** In their dreams.

**Captain Jack Harkness** Owen, I have a stick with your name on it...

* * *

**Doctor Owen Harper **_likes Phonebooks._

* * *

**Captain Jack Harkness **- **Gwen Cooper**, **Doctor Owen Harper** and **Toshiko Sato.**

Okay, so Toshiko has gone through the CCTV footage from the tube station. The guy we were chasing still needs to be identified but the little boy you saw Gwen is a Tom Erasmus Flannigan, living at 74 Veneron Terrace. We need to pay Flannigan a visit to see if he can shed some light on Gwen's apparition. In the meantime, I don't want any one touching the artefact under any circumstances.

_Comments_

**Gwen** **Cooper** I can't explain it but it was so real... I could see that little boy, I could feel everything he did... Oh god, he was so lost...

**Doctor Owen Harper** Well you were under intense emotion following a neurological event, which could cause you to have hallucinations and dementia, which is a very unusual case but after spending time with you I'd say you fit the perfect profile to suffer from such a thing.

**Gwen Cooper **Oh piss offOwen! I'm not bloody senile and that was not a hallucination! It actually happened! I am telling you, there was a little boy, I saw him, heard him, I felt it all... You know what? Don't believe me! Let's go and see what Tom has to say, you'll see. I am not mad.

**Captain Jack Harkness** That's a great idea, Owen and Gwen you go and check it out.

**Doctor Owen Harper **What!With her? You can't be serious?

**Captain Jack Harkness** Yes with her! Now stop behaving like a spoilt child or you might find that stick up your arse after all.

* * *

**Rhys Williams - Gwen Cooper** Babe, I need to do a white wash but I have not got a full load, anything you want to add?

_Comments_

**Gwen Cooper** Not that I can think of.

**Rhys Williams** One more thing, where do I put the tablets? You never told me on the phone

**Gwen Cooper **Seriously Rhys, you're asking me how to do the washing? Just leave it.

**Rhys Williams** Will do, oh are you in or out tonight?

**Gwen Cooper **I don't know, I'm sorry.

**Rhys Williams** Oh c'mon Gwen, it's a straightforward question that requires one of two answers, Yes or No?

**Gwen Cooper** Maybe, depends on things here...

**Rhys Williams** I'm not staying in hoping you may or may not grace me with your presence, I'm off out with Dav tonight, catch you tomorrow, if you can remember where you live that is. X

* * *

**Gwen Cooper -**** Captain Jack Harkness**

Flannigan was evacuated to Cardiff from London during the war in 1941. Upon arriving at Cardiff station he was left behind, I saw a snap shot of his past. He has not seen his family since they waved him off at Paddington station 60 years ago.

_Comments__  
_  
**Doctor Owen Harper** I would verify the above but I was cornered in the kitchen with motor mouth. That woman makes my mum look like a mute!

**Captain Jack Harkness **I guess you have not worked on the art of conversation with woman, you're more of a shoot and scoot guy.

**Doctor Owen Harper** Women tend to think of me as a Studmuffin, but yeah I'm not generally into the chat, I like to eat, shoot and leave, no strings, no complication.

* * *

**Ianto Jones** _joined the group Splott is pronounced Splo!_

**Captain Jack Harkness **We've found him: Sean Harris aka. Bernie. He's 19 years old, living in Splott. Seems we have ourselves Wales' Most Wanted. Let's go and pay him a visit.

_Comments_

**Doctor Owen Harper** So is he a convicted murderer then?

**Captain Jack Harkness** No, this one is more into taking things that don't belong to him.

**Ianto Jones** Well make sure you don't take your wallet and keep hold of the car keys, mobile phones and guns, you should be fine.

**Doctor Owen Harper **Perfect. Some spotty little teenage pickpocket.

* * *

**Doctor Owen Harper **_joined the group I Wouldn't Piss on him if he was on Fire._

* * *

**Toshiko Sato **Ah,young Mr Harris: loved by the locals, adored by the police and cherished by all who know him.

**Captain Jack Harkness**_,_** Gwen Cooper**_,_** Doctor Owen Harper**_,_** Toshiko Sato **_and_** Ianto Jones **_like this._

_Comments_

**Gwen Cooper **A real model citizen.

**Doctor Owen Harper** One you would happily bring home to meet the family.

**Captain Jack Harkness** My kinda guy.

* * *

**Toshiko Sato** _joined the group Quantum Transducer._

**Captain Jack Harkness** _and_ **Toshiko Sato **_like this._

* * *

**Captain Jack Harkness**_ joined the group Killing Spiders with a Gun._

* * *

**Captain Jack Harkness **I should write a book: 100 Ways to Look Sexy While Firing a Gun by Captain Jack Harkness.

**Captain Jack Harkness **_and_** Gwen Cooper** _like this._

* * *

**Gwen Cooper - Rhys Williams**

When you coming home? I miss you X

_Comments_

**Rhys Williams** I'm winning a poker, best not break my lucky run, there is still more to be won. You feeling alright? Earlier you did not even know if you would be home tonight.

**Gwen Cooper** I was just reminiscing... You enjoy your night out, I'll see you later. I love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Rhys Williams **I'm coming home anyway now, Dav and Carol just had a major bust up. Love you too, see you soon, ta ta X

* * *

**Gwen Cooper** - **Doctor Owen Harper**

What happened under the bridge today? Looks like the intense emotional stress of not finding Wales most wanted has brought on early dementia.

_Comments_

**Doctor Owen Harper** Just leave it Gwen, I don't need your shit tonight.

**Gwen Cooper** Don't take it like that, look we both have had experiences with the Quantum thing. I thought it would be nice to actually be able to talk to someone who gets it.

**Doctor Owen Harper** You saw a lost boy, who is still alive and happy living with motor mouth. I saw a girl for the last time before that bastard Ed Morgan killed her, I don't want to talk about it, I want to find that guy and make him pay, is that group therapy enough for you?

**Gwen Cooper** Owen you need to talk, you're taking this way too personally.

**Doctor Owen Harper** If you really want to help, leave me alone. I am busy putting a file together, whether you like it or not I am going to get this guy. I would've thought out of everyone you, Gwen, would understand this.

* * *

**Doctor Owen Harper **He just sat there, all innocent. He'd forgot, bet her mother never did, or her father. She died because of him and he just sat there, but I will make him remember. She will be the first thing he thinks of in the morning and the last thing on his mind at night. By the time I've finished with him he will wish he had gone to prison. His life will be living hell, I'll make sure of it.

**Doctor Owen Harper **_likes this._

_Comments_

**Gwen Cooper **What's wrong Owen? What happened?

**Doctor Owen Harper** Never mind, I've found Bernie Harris, you might want to get down here now.

**Captain Jack Harkness** But we spent all yesterday looking for him and you manage to meet him just on the off chance, how?

**Doctor Owen Harper** It doesn't matter, okay? Just get over here, now.

* * *

**Captain Jack Harkness** - **Gwen Cooper**

Looks like our friend Bernie, saw the same vision as Owen, and tried to blackmail Ed Morgan. Oh and Owen went AWOL this morning to Ed's place, scared the shit out of him by the sounds of things. Are you at home?

_Comments_

**Gwen Cooper** No, I'm at Bernie's. If you want I'll talk to him about it, make sure he stays away in future.

**Captain Jack Harkness **Just stay where you are, don't let Bernie out of your sight, we're heading over.

* * *

**Toshiko Sato **- **Captain Jack Harkness**

Jack we've got a problem. I've just seen Ed Morgan on CCTV walking up Everton Street. I think he's heading towards Bernie's house.

_Comments_

**Captain Jack Harkness **Tosh, he's after Bernie and Gwen's in there. Keep an eye on the CCTV, tell me if you see anything else.

**Gwen Cooper **What? Why is he here? Would someone please tell me what's going on!

**Captain Jack Harkness **Gwen, don't move. Lock all the windows and doors, keep Bernie inside. We'll be there soon.

**Toshiko Sato **Jack, Bernie's outside the house, Ed's got a knife...

**Gwen Cooper **Oh god... I have to go!

**Captain Jack Harkness **Gwen! No! Don't go out there, stay exactly where you are.

**Toshiko Sato **Jack, Gwen's out there with Bernie and Ed.

**Captain Jack Harkness **GWEN!

* * *

**Gwen Cooper **I killed him...

**Doctor Owen Harper **_likes this._

_Comments_

**Captain Jack Harkness **No Gwen. It wasn't your fault. He wanted to be dead anyway, if anything you did him a favour.

**Gwen Cooper **But if it wasn't for me he would still be alive...

**Captain Jack Harkness **Gwen, please. Just go home. None of this was your fault.

**D****octor Owen Harper **Well I think it's ironic that he killed someone with the same knife he that killed him. Maybe he'll feel a fraction of what little Lizzy did, he deserved it.

**Captain Jack Harkness **Owen! Just leave her alone, she doesn't need you giving her a hard time. Gwen, go home. It wasn't your fault.

**Gwen Cooper **But his blood...

**Captain Jack Harkness **Is all gone. Leave it.

* * *

**Doctor Owen Harper **- **Captain Jack Harkness**

Jack just for future reference remind me to avoid me helping myself to food from suspects properties. Those beans from Bernie's flat... What was in them...?

_Comments_

**Captain Jack Harkness **Ok Owen, let's take it back to basics for you: bacteria in your intestines break the beans down into a form that your body can absorb into the bloodstream, the chemical reaction creates a lot of gas (you did learn that at med school, right?). Those were alien beans so you can expect the results to last a few more days, don't worry it will all blow over soon enough. Thinking about it stay at home tomorrow, I kinda like breathing fresh air.

**Doctor Owen Harper **Great, no woman is going to want to come near me.

**Captain Jack Harkness** Think of it as a reprieve day for the woman of Cardiff. Now men Owen, that might be a different story...

_A/N: Just thought the end of Ghost Machine was a bit depressing, really needed something to lighten the mood. Now that deserves reviews..._


End file.
